This chapter has brought up things in the past that I thought I had let go of long ago.
It made me think of the dreams I had growing up. Dreams of being a mom and dreams of being a homemaker, taking care of my family. This chapter had me wondering WHY? Why not me Lord? Why was I unable to be a mom? So many people having kids that don't even love the kids they have, not understanding the blessings they have received. So many people that honestly don't have any business being a parent. It brought up the hurt and the disappointment I felt when I found out I wasn't going to be able to have kids. There was also other circumstances going on in my life that did not allow for adoption to be considered. Plus it is hard when my spouse and I were not on the same page about that issue. A lot of hurt and disappointment. Disappointed that my life was not what I had dreamed about when I was a kid growing up.
But God has other plans.......
I was asked to answer the questions...."Has the pain of your past ever made it hard for you to believe God's promises and plans for your future? What do you sense He wants to change in your perspective?
The disappointment of a dream not becoming a reality has made it hard for me to believe God's promises at times. Especially when I don't understand what His plans are in using that. But I do sense that God wants to change my perspective on that hurt. I believe that it has been something I just accepted but stuffed it down. And in stuffing it down, I am not allowing God to use it for His glory. And it has brought doubt.
Wow!! As I am typing this, I am realizing that I have been holding back. Holding back on God, not surrendering all to God. Giving Him most of me but holding on to certain things. I have been hurt but mostly, I am hurt with God. It is amazing how one can just go on with life and be happy and still hold on to so much hurt.
Lord, I am hurt. I am hurt with You that You did not bless me with a child. I am also aware that I made decisions based on my circumstances at the time that were wrong and confess those wrong decisions to You. You know them, each and every one. I ask You to heal the hurt and forgive the sins. I give all that hurt over to You today. I will no longer carry it. It is Yours now. I ask that You reveal Your purpose for my life and that You would receive the glory from all of it. I do believe what Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." From this day forward I will trust in that and believe it. And in turn I will do as it says in Jeremiah 29:12-13. "I will call on You and come and pray to You and You will listen to me. I will seek You and find You when I seek You with all my heart" (personalized) Change my perspective Lord and reveal the plans You have for me! Use me to bring glory to You and You alone!
Today, I am #movingforward!! Today I am changing my perspective! Looking through the eyes of God so that He will change my perspective!